


Forgotten

by calie15



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:25:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4104172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calie15/pseuds/calie15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky, freshly wiped clean of his most recent memories, wants nothing to do with anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgotten

"I told you I was done," he said from where he sat and stared at the. He wanted no part of their operation.

"I'll be the last person to visit you today."

He looked up at the unfamiliar voice and noticed a woman in the doorway, Steve stood just behind her and looked on in concern. 

"Be nice," Steve said and then closed the door. The woman was small, attractive, British. She wasn't a fighter, he could tell that from her build and the lack of muscle. She was weak.

His eyes flickered down to her stomach and then up again.

"They didn't want me to come. I guess I'm the back up plan."

"Short of you physically forcing me, there isn't much to convince me, especially you." But Bucky faced her anyway and waited, at the very least he'd be entertained. 

"No one is forcing you," she said gently and sat in the chair. "You're making a mistake."

Bucky didn't believe that. Sure he was missing a handful of years, his last memories being those of his months after HYDRA's down fall. He was quiet fine with being on his own, he didn't want to belong to SHIELD. "I suppose we were friends then. You don't seem scared of me."

She smiled and glanced away. "Something like that."

"Save your breath," he snapped and stood up. As he came to the invisible barrier he glared. "If I was free I'd snap that pretty little neck, and I doubt you want that."

There was hurt in her eyes, and he knew he was being particularly cruel.

"I don't believe that," she said, but her voice was low and strained.

"Believe what you want. You're weak, I can see it." She blinked at him, tears in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but then shut. With a sigh she seemed to calm, but still shaken, and stood.

As she turned and walked away he found himself even more angry. "That's it. Run away from the big bad monster. You're weak. Next time I suggest you bring someone to keep you safe."

Then she stopped and turned, eyes angry. "That was you, you selfish ignorant pig!"

He was shocked enough by that statement that she was able to continue.

"That was your job! You were the one to remind me I wasn't worth a shit in the field. You said I was to curious for my own good, that keeping me safe was a full time job!" She walked closer, furious.

"Then you had to get caught, get your mind wiped. What gave you the right to leave me here!" She screamed, angry tears running down her cheeks.

The door opened and Steve walked in.

"Don't you dare talk to me like this. Who are you to judge anyone here? You're half a person. Broken and remade over and over again," she said, angry words turning into cruel, taunting ones. "Only part human. A monster whose scared to sleep at night. You're alone and you hate the memories of who you were because you can't be that person again. And you're weak for even considering it."

As she checked off the list of everything that haunted him rage built within him. "Shut up!" He screamed finally and slammed his fist on the imaginary wall. It sizzled beneath his fist.

"How do I know all of that? Answer me? How would I know that unless I was with you every night to hear every deep dark secret."

"Jemma, not like this," Steve said and rested his hand on her shoulder. "If he was himself he wouldn't want you upset like this."

He turned and stared at them in contempt. They were talking about him, but not really him. Some other man they thought they knew.

She, Jemma, breathed in deeply. Once and twice, then settled her hand on her stomach.

He looked down quickly and back up again. She'd seem him look and more then likely saw his confused stare. He turned away to hide himself.

"Don't walk away from me. I know what you're wondering, and you're right, it is yours. He's yours, but you wouldn't know that because you won't remember. You wouldn't know that I'm eight months pregnant, that I've dealt with these past two months alone. You wouldn't know that in less then a month I'll be having this baby alone! You're selfish! I don't want you, I want the man you were, I want my Bucky back. Not this cruel, shallow, shell of a man."

Bucky walked to a chair a sat down, staring ahead and refusing to look at anyone.

"You loved me," she said, tears in her voice. "And I'll never forgive you if you don't try."

The woman left then, leaving only Steve and himself. "Not a word."

"This isn't you. You think it is, but you aren't really yourself unless your remember."

"I don't what that mouthy ass simple woman or the child," he snapped and glared at Steve.

Steve though only looked amused. "She is a little mouthy, you said you liked that about her once when she yelled at you. And as for simple, that's ironic since I've heard her call you simple minded because your questioned her. I can understand her taking offense then, especially when she is a genius biochemist who invested hundreds of hours into your recovery."

Bucky side eyed him. "Is this supposed to make me sentimental?"

Steve frowned. "And the baby. You didn't want it before either. You didn't think that you were capable and considering the line if work we are all in...but that changed too." Steve paused as if waiting for a response. There was none. "Think about it."

Bucky refused to think about it, but the thoughts crept into his mind regardless. He picked apart everything he remembered from the woman, Jemma. He still didn't remember her though, and he was okay with that.

Then he fell asleep, and he dreamed, but it was more like nightmares. It was screaming, sometimes his own, it was pain, and murder. Then it was different.

He dreamed of a room, a lab. Of a woman as he came to stand behind her and whispered something in her ear. She elbowed him in the ribs. Then she turned, her stomach pressing against him, and smiled. It was as she raised onto her toes he pulled her closer and they kissed.

He woke up panting, covered in sweat.  
\----

The next day he refused to acknowledge anyone, and she didn't come.

He dreamed of crawling onto a bed, between her legs, and propping himself on a cybernetic arm. When he slid his hand up beneath her shirt she set her electronic pad to the side and looked down with a smile. Her stomach was raised only slightly. He said something with a smirk about doing something else while he was down there.

And again he woke, punching the wall and refusing to go back to sleep.  
\-------

"You look terrible," Steve said the next day.

"Shut up," Bucky mumbled. He felt terrible.

"Do you want to see her?"

Bucky turned and glared. There was a new ache inside of him at Steve's question that he didn't like. "No." It was because of her this was happening.  
\---------

He stayed awake for two nights.

"This is crazy, you have to sleep."

He stared ahead. "No."

"Why? What do you dream about Bucky?"

Bucky could lie and say they were nightmares. He said nothing. It wasn't the nightmares that kept him up.  
\-----

And finally he did pass out.

There was blood, so much blood, and fear. She was going to die. She was going to die and leave him. In the hospital room he laid with his head on the bed and clutched her hand and begged silently that she not leave him. And it hurt. He fell in love with her, had been to scared to tell her, and now he didn't know if she would live.

Bucky woke and couldn't breathe. It was panic. His chest was heavy and sweat covered bis body. He ripped off his shirt and sat on the side of his bed, head in hands as he tried to recover from the fresh panic and the feeling of loss.  
\------

The next day he waited for Steve, and like clock work he showed up. Steve asked a few questions, Bucky answered some in a distracted tone, others he ignored. 

"You're distracted."

Bucky looked up and then away. The returning memories blurred together, the unfamiliar and possibly familiar feelings confused him. They were coming back, slowly but surely, and he didn't want them, yet even as he told himself that he felt a bit of it might be a lie. That he might wanted to pry away a little bit more. They hadn't been terrible, and he remembered how he felt, the happiness, the pleasure. 

He remembered a morning where they didn't have to wake up, where they were determined to not get out of bed. He woke to the feel of a body on him, and when he opened his eyes she'd been there, legs on either side of his hips, arms crossed on his chest and her chin resting atop her hands. He'd asked what she was doing. She responded by saying 'I love you' a sweet smile on her face. Bucky had kissed her and he remembered her sliding onto him, her naked body sitting up and her head dropping back in pleasure. He remembered grasping her hips and the feel of her riding him.

"Do it," Bucky snapped and looked at Steve. His old friend stared on in confusion. "Whatever it is they wanted to do. Do it. I'm tired of these fucking memories coming in bit by bit. If it's going to happen let's just get it over with."

"Are you sure?" Steve asked and stood slowly.

"No, not really. But I feel like I'm going crazy. And..." He started, but was reluctant to finish. "This fucking woman won't stay out of my head. So just get it over with."  
\----------

That didn't mean Bucky wanted her there. He didn't, and he made that very clear, because he was still pissed about this. He wanted to be alone, but he was being assaulted by memories of a woman that would never go away.

The restraints went down on his arms, he told Steve to shut up with his worrying and Bucky stared up at the ceiling.

"Discovering the memories is much harder then removing them," they had said. It better be worth it, was his last thought before the pain began and he screamed. 

When it was over the door flew open and he turned his head, blurry eyes staring at moving figures. Then a face entered his vision and cool hands touched his over heated cheeks. 

"Bucky."

Jemma. He could see her slightly if he winced. His head hurt, and the memories were a blur, slamming through his walls and breaking them down. His head was a mess. It had been empty, full of anger and hate. He'd screamed at her, hated her...and the baby. Bucky tried to open his mouth to speak as it all came back. He'd been an idiot. Then he passed out.  
\---------

When he woke, who knows how long later, he blinked slowly in the darkness and turned his head to look around. Steve's long frame sat awkwardly in a chair, and in another was Jemma, legs propped up and head turned towards him, her eyes closed. When he tried to move his arms remained still. No, they couldn't do this to him, not now. With clenched teeth he fought them, heard metal bending. 

"Bucky stop!" Steve exclaimed.

"Get them off!" He screamed. The door opened, but he ignored the commotion. "Get them fucking off before I do it and kill someone."

"Bucky."

He turned at Jemma's voice and stopped. Someone held her back from him, but he stopped.

"Let me go," Jemma said and pushed away the arm and came to his side.

He stared up at her as she touched his face and leaned in with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," was all he could say. Her lips where on his and he heard Steve giving ordering to release him. With the restraints off he pushed off the bed and stood in front of her, grasping her cheeks in his hands. "God, I'm sorry."

"I know," she whispered tearfully and smiled up at him.


End file.
